Smallville
Jun. 6th, 2005 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emonyI happen to catch tonight's Smallville on E4. Oy. Every week I tune in with the hopes of it not sucking, but I'm always disappointed. Anyway, tonight's ep was .. hell, I don't even know what season we're up to. Whichever one's the most recent season, it was from that. So, it was the one where Clark and Lana have bAbiEz omgwtflol!!1!1!!!1!!1!111!!!!!!oneoneone. No, seriously, they did. It was an *orphan* baby, so only Clark and Lana - who found it in a cabbage patch field could understand its pain and trauma. Except that it wasn't actually an orphan because it's father was still alive. But no one seemed to see the difference between an adopted baby and an orphaned one, on account of this being Smallville and therefore a pile of badly-written shite.
Anyway, Clark and Lana found this baby in a field, which then proceeded to do that "rapid aging until it dies" thing, as every sci fi show ever is wont to do once or twice in its run, to remind everyone that Life Is Short and We Should Make The Most Of The Time We Have, because little Timmy showed us The True Meaning Of Love/Life/Space Exploration/Christmas/Hanukkah/Labor Day/etc. Excuse me while I crawl into the corner and wretch until my small intestines appear.
The major point of the episode - written by Steven S. DeKnight, ex-Buffy (Blood Ties, Spiral, All The Way, Dead Things, Seeing Red) and Angel (Deep Down, Apocalypse, Nowish, Awakening, Calvary, Release, Inside Out, Hell Bound, Destiny, Damage, Why We Fight, Shells, The Girl in Questiong (yes, he is the arse who gave us hetero!Andrew)) writer - was that, if you are the kind of dirty h0r who gets pregnant when she's 18, naturally by having Teh Sex0r at a party with a dirty, long-haired garage mechanic you hardly know, you will get pregnant, which will - literally - end your life. Horribly. With much screaming. The baby will, quite literally, explode inside you, killing you. And if you are the dirty, irresponsible layabout boy (who seems to work all the time, although no one mentions that), the child will kill you too, using a Big Phallic Instrument of Doom to do so, thus showing that it is your own irresponsibility with your nob that led to your bloody and untimely death.
However, don't be put off from having kids at 18, young viewers. If you are Good and Wholesome like, oh, Lana Lang? Or that nice young Clark Kent lad. If you're a Good, Decent Kid who's heard about That Sex Thing, but won't be doing It until your wedding night, well in that case you'll make the Best Parent Ever, even though you're only 18 (or 17, in fact, I don't know how far through the season we are. Or what season it is. They could be 16 for all I know). In fact, as Lana says quite plainly, having Babiez is the Only Thing That Will Make You Feel Fulfilled As A Woman. "I've been feeling so disconnected all year," Lana said through large, tear-filled eyes. "When I saw Evan (the baby) I felt like I suddenly had a purpose." That's almost a literal quote. Great message for the young there, Smallville. Good one. I imagine you'll feel very proud of yourselves when a whole raft of sad, lonley 14 year olds who feel disconnected and confused name their babies Lana and Clark, and tell themselves that when the fathers of those little Lanas and Clarks dump them and refuse to have anything to do with those babies, it's okay because they'll get stabbed through the back with a big phallic bit of metal. So it's all okay.
Yeah. Bite me, bitch. Bite me hard.
There was some cute, in Clark worrying that he's never going to have kids because he'skinda gay an alien. Yeah, that's the reason *cough*. Then Lex and Clark exchaning "you'll be a great father some day" platitudes, and then holding shaking hands. Uhuh. And Lana and Clark sitting little Evan (the baby, now 7 years old) down to explain that Clark and Lana both love him very much, but they aren't really his mom and dad, and they're don't really love each other like that, and now it's time for Evan to meet Clark's special friend Lex. Heh.
Mostly, though, it was pretty shite. That said, I was still narked off when TMO called me with 20 minutes to go, so it can't have been all bad.
Must be off to bed now. I still hate my job, in case you wondered. *g*
Anyway, Clark and Lana found this baby in a field, which then proceeded to do that "rapid aging until it dies" thing, as every sci fi show ever is wont to do once or twice in its run, to remind everyone that Life Is Short and We Should Make The Most Of The Time We Have, because little Timmy showed us The True Meaning Of Love/Life/Space Exploration/Christmas/Hanukkah/Labor Day/etc. Excuse me while I crawl into the corner and wretch until my small intestines appear.
The major point of the episode - written by Steven S. DeKnight, ex-Buffy (Blood Ties, Spiral, All The Way, Dead Things, Seeing Red) and Angel (Deep Down, Apocalypse, Nowish, Awakening, Calvary, Release, Inside Out, Hell Bound, Destiny, Damage, Why We Fight, Shells, The Girl in Questiong (yes, he is the arse who gave us hetero!Andrew)) writer - was that, if you are the kind of dirty h0r who gets pregnant when she's 18, naturally by having Teh Sex0r at a party with a dirty, long-haired garage mechanic you hardly know, you will get pregnant, which will - literally - end your life. Horribly. With much screaming. The baby will, quite literally, explode inside you, killing you. And if you are the dirty, irresponsible layabout boy (who seems to work all the time, although no one mentions that), the child will kill you too, using a Big Phallic Instrument of Doom to do so, thus showing that it is your own irresponsibility with your nob that led to your bloody and untimely death.
However, don't be put off from having kids at 18, young viewers. If you are Good and Wholesome like, oh, Lana Lang? Or that nice young Clark Kent lad. If you're a Good, Decent Kid who's heard about That Sex Thing, but won't be doing It until your wedding night, well in that case you'll make the Best Parent Ever, even though you're only 18 (or 17, in fact, I don't know how far through the season we are. Or what season it is. They could be 16 for all I know). In fact, as Lana says quite plainly, having Babiez is the Only Thing That Will Make You Feel Fulfilled As A Woman. "I've been feeling so disconnected all year," Lana said through large, tear-filled eyes. "When I saw Evan (the baby) I felt like I suddenly had a purpose." That's almost a literal quote. Great message for the young there, Smallville. Good one. I imagine you'll feel very proud of yourselves when a whole raft of sad, lonley 14 year olds who feel disconnected and confused name their babies Lana and Clark, and tell themselves that when the fathers of those little Lanas and Clarks dump them and refuse to have anything to do with those babies, it's okay because they'll get stabbed through the back with a big phallic bit of metal. So it's all okay.
Yeah. Bite me, bitch. Bite me hard.
There was some cute, in Clark worrying that he's never going to have kids because he's
Mostly, though, it was pretty shite. That said, I was still narked off when TMO called me with 20 minutes to go, so it can't have been all bad.
Must be off to bed now. I still hate my job, in case you wondered. *g*
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Date: 2005-06-06 02:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-06 02:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-06 02:53 pm (UTC)Though, I've suffered through Lorenzo Lamas acting to watch other pretty, so maybe I could survive..