Some things I cannot change

I think I need to develop a crack habit, to make my life bearable - give me something to do, something to work for (money to buy more crack), a bit of peace and that nice, floaty "nothing matters but getting more crack" feeling.

Or maybe something less harsh than crack. That seems a bit of a big step. Maybe some kind of prescription drugs. Painkillers? Or anti-depressants maybe. I don't know. I wish I could take something though, and just not be here anymore. Not in a suicidal way. I still want to be here. I just don't want to know that I'm here.