(no subject)

[emony]

I really hate the self-involved arrogance that proliferates on Livejournal sometimes. Today being one of those times.

Your life is not that interesting.

You are not that smart/funny/artistic/attractive.

You are no better than anyone else.

You need to get over yourself.

Oh, and also? Muses. I have a whole rant about this which I would subject you to were I not currenly at work, where I must at least pretend to be, ya know, working. In short, it comes down to this: MUSES ARE NOT REAL. They do not think, they do not feel, they do not wake you up in the middle of the night. They do not have an actual physical presence, so they cannot touch you, talk to you, peer over your shoulder or do ANYTHING that involves swords, knives, or any other physical object. Muses are a mental construct you have created to help you process your thoughts and write. They are NOT REAL. Now, we all know this to be true, deep down, but sometimes I do wonder if some people don't forget some times.

If there are really voices in your head telling you to write gay porn, you need to put yourself into the care of a qualified physician.

Otherwise, take a step back now and then. Read your LJ posts and think about what you've written. If you've just read back a big long post about how your such-and-such muse so-and-so woke you up at 2am thinking about a fabulous plot line for this fic you're writing, and how you then sat up for five hours writing it all down as s/he dictated over your shoulder? Why are you writing that? Why? Why not just write "I woke up at 2am with a brilliant idea, which I then spent the next five hours writing out. Boy do my wrists ache, and not in a fun way. Arf arf." Why all this "the voices in my head made me do it" BS?

I have a theory, but this was meant to be a one line PMS-induced rant, so I won't go in to it yet. In short, get over yourself. You write gay porn. Live with it.

Comments

[searingidolatry.livejournal.com]

Here here!

[emony.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thanks. I should probably mention that at least 25% of the above rant was directed at myself, and that it's not meant as a personal attack on anyone in particular. Except me, obviously. I'm someone in particular. But no one else. Well, maybe a smidge. *cough* I'm going to shut up now.

[and-i.livejournal.com]

It might be interesting to actually have a voice in my head telling me to write gay porn, thinking about it.

[emony.livejournal.com]

Perhaps, if you have a particular fondness for padded rooms, straightjackets, and doctors with big, big needles...

[cedara]

Are the doctors pretty? ;-)

[emony.livejournal.com]

Have you ever met a doctor who worked in the field of mental health who was pretty?

[cedara]

No clue. I haven't been in a mental health institution. ;-)

[emony.livejournal.com]

Then I guess we'll never truly know.

[searingidolatry.livejournal.com]

Fair enough!

[niennah.livejournal.com]

*defriends*

Ha ha. No way.

Yeah. Sometimes I feel like saying some of that stuff, but instead I just don't post for a while. I kind of like that you did and, to be honest as a friend and stuff, kind of don't, but the negative side is smaller than the positive side. It's alright either way, though. Not because it's your journal and you have a right to post what you want, because to say that would be a bit patronising (imo), but because it's good to say stuff that might make people think now and then, even if it poses questions regarding how you see yourself. And you say that some of this is self-reflexive, so question answered. It's funny, I have been saying the same things to myself a lot lately.

On the whole, well said.

Am I being coherent? I don't feel coherent.

[emony.livejournal.com]

Oh the whole, yes. I know what you mean. It's the sort of post that should probably have been kept to myself really. It's not the sort of stuff to post if you want to make friends and influence people, but I've never been very good at making friends, so why expect things to change now. I'd rather keep the friends I have honestly than get more through lying and omission of truth.

[packmentality.livejournal.com]

Dude, I am totally interesting/smart/funny/artistic/yadda. I don't know what you're talking about. :-P

Gay porn! *dances*

[emony.livejournal.com]

Well, obviously there are some exceptions to the rule ...

[odycee.livejournal.com]

Dude, I am totally interesting/smart/funny/artistic/yadda.

You and me both eh? ;)

[xochiquetzl]

I'm terribly smart and funny. Which doesn't explain why my LJ is so boring. ;)

Also, some days I just want to post, "*shakes people* Stop being upset! Sometimes I think you JUST LIKE BEING UPSET! Stop it! *shakes people more*" But I don't, because I'm too polite. :P

[niennah.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. No questions about it, re the lying. I'm not sure if you can call my approach omission of truth. I don't like to think it is, but maybe it is, whether I like it or not. I have often wondered what kind of a place LJ would be if we all said what was on our mind all the time, and I can only imagine it would be far more challenging and more useful than it is now. But I don't think any of us come here for the challenge.

It's funny how you tapped into something I've been thinking a lot about lately in this one post. Not just about LJ, but about life, the universe and everything. Or maybe you didn't, but I'm just thinking about it so much that everything seems to be in some way related, but I think you did.

And part of me says hey, I should post about this later, but another part of me knows that I probably won't. So probably it's good that you did. :)

[niennah.livejournal.com]

That icon is definitely all of the above. Do you know how much time I've spend watching it waiting for the ticks and giggling at the last one? A LOT. *g*

[emony.livejournal.com]

Fortunately there are rude people like me around to say these things now and then *G*

[emony.livejournal.com]

I don't mean omission of truth in a necessarily bad way. It's like telling white lies, only less so because there's no actual lying involved. Just holding back from saying things because you know that they may hurt people. That's probably the preferable way to be really, considerate of other people's feelings and such. I just don't do it myself, some times. But then sometimes I think you have to just tell it like it is. If someone or something is getting to you, you have a responsibility to let them know in some way, because first and foremost your job in this world is to look after yourself, and while you have to take other people's feelings and thoughts and rights into consideration at all times, sometimes you just have to put yourself first. As much as other people have a right to say and do what they want, you have a right to call them on their BS, and if they can't defend what they were doing, the world probably won't miss out from them not doing it.

I think it's a big issue, in LJ and in life in general. I would say more, but I'm meant to be working, so I ought to go and do that. In short form, I think society is becoming more and more self-absorbed, which accounts for both the behaviour I was complaining about, and my thought that I had a right to complain about it.

[bethos.livejournal.com]

I am *hilarious*. It's just you can't tell 'cause my LJ is full of boring real life garbage.

I like to write conversations out between me and my characters because sometimes writing that way they'll "tell" me what's wrong with how I'm trying to make them behave in a given story. Or sometimes they won't say anything to me on the page either.

[bitterbyrden.livejournal.com]

Man. I really should have an extra cup of tea before I respond to this. Because I am also PMSing and ITCHING for a fight.

So... I'm going to do that: drink tea. I'll be back, though. And then I plan on shaking the baby.

[emony.livejournal.com]

Sure. Knock yourself out.

[naughtyelf.livejournal.com]

Ohh yes. I myself want to have that exact rant at a friend of mine right now. Even if yours wasn't specifically directed at one person, mine would be. Grrrr.

fuck. this is long. sorry. (1 of 2)

[bitterbyrden.livejournal.com]

Besides the defensive reaction I have to this post, which is based in nothing but poor self-image and insecurity, I don't have much in the way of response. Haha. Two cups of tea and a cigarette and that's all I've got.

I can't back up my reply with any kind of statistics or bell curves, but I can say this: journals are, by nature, self-involved. Otherwise, what we'd be reading in here would be a collection of essays, book reports and instructions on how to repair X, Y, or Z. Which, you know, some of us do read that. But our attention spans are oh so short. And LiveJournal + ADD = OTP.

So, you can argue as much as you want, but it's not going to change the fact that your life *is* that interesting, you *are* that smart/funny/artistic/attractive, you (arguably) *are* better than a good number of someone elses, and okay, sure, we can always benefit from getting over ourselves, so I'll leave you that. I can direct you to any number of journals to prove this. That you, Emony of LJ, are all of those things. Just the simple fact that I'm responding to something that you've written should be proof enough that you are fascinating and worthy of a reaction. Just like the fact that you *haven't* responded to XYZ post in my journal *isn't* indicative of the fact that I am not a worthwhile and interesting person.

Blah blah blah. ANYWAY, I love this outlet. I love reading about other people's dreams and stupid fuck-ups. I love hearing their rants on something I hadn't even stopped to consider. I love reading their fandom drama and little freaky confessions. I love reading about their creative process and the minutae of their otherwise meta-lives. I *love* it. Before LiveJournal, I had a scribble journal that was all passworded. So I knew who was reading it. I knew who thought it was interesting enough to read. Before that, I had a diaryland journal, which (I promise) was truly vague and boring. I didn't know who was reading it. I'd get feedback every now and then, but it wasn't a big deal because I was writing it for me. Just, you know, in public. Now that I have an LJ, I know a little more about who is able to read what, but I still don't know what people are actually reading. Does it bother me when I write something that is intensely personal and important to me, just to have no one comment? Yeah. And that's when I try and get over myself. It's stupid and vain of me, maybe, to care, but if something that someone writes sparks a reaction in *me*, I stop and comment about it. And, I actually kind of care, even when it's someone I don't know in "real life." (There's a long sidebar about this, involving a suicidal girl in NY and my RL friends who are her RL friends and couldn't be bothered to call on her and check in. But, it's still too vomit-inducing for me to go into here.)

I started on the internet interaction about fifteen years ago, when it looked nothing like this... and provided no network and no outlet for sixteen year old girls. Now, sometimes it feels like it consists SOLELY of sixteen year old girls. Hell, some of those girls are my "friends" -- and I find some of the things they write about totally fascinating. Sometimes, eye-roll inducing. But mostly, if I don't want to read what they have to say, I don't have them on my journal. You know?
[cont.]

Re: fuck. this is long. sorry. (2 of 2) (the part when i get to the point)

[bitterbyrden.livejournal.com]

About the muse stuff: I can't really go there, because as dorky as I get about muses, there's always someone who freaks ME out with their dorkiness. People who write fic are crazy. And if they don't have anything else in their lives, their muses *are* real. To them. I love and fear these people. My own "muses" aren't so much literal as "...god DAMN I wish they were literal so I could blame someone else when I can't write." The three days that I wrote the Through Rabbit-Hole Meme thing (and made my muses real) were SO FUCKING MUCH FUN that I *wished* they were real. I like having imaginary friends. They are so much more fun and interesting than my RL friends.

So, get to the point. I can FEEL you asking me to get to the point. I know I ramble on. The point is: you're going to feel how you're going to feel and this *is* your journal so you SHOULD feel how you're going to feel, but I think you're wrong. You're a pragmatic, critical person, which is something I enjoy and fear about you, and I like that you call people on their bullshit. It seems like you call yourself on your bullshit, too. But, I think you're making an error in tearing someone (or yourself) down just because you don't find them interesting.

Personally, I'm aware that I'm *way* more interesting than my journal. I can only assume that some (if not all) of these other people are, too.

And, I actually don't want to fight. Writing all of that out sucked all the will to fight out of me. But, if you counter with some good old-fashioned name calling, I'll try to work some menstuative fury back up. And yes, I think I made up the word "menstruative."

+kate

[graculus.livejournal.com]

It's quite alright to have a voice in your head telling you to write gay porn - the secret to avoiding big needles and nice white jackets that do up at the back is not to tell anyone. ;)

[emony.livejournal.com]

I don't suppose it helps you much for me to have said it, likely where your friend won't see it at all, but hopefully at least you know you're not the only one sitting staring at the screen going, "wtf? Shut up!"

[emony.livejournal.com]

Not telling anyone is something I would thoroughly approve of! *g*

Re: fuck. this is long. sorry. (2 of 2) (the part when i get to the point)

[emony.livejournal.com]

I hope things don't descend into namecalling! I'm sure they won't. I understand entirely what you're saying. I won't answer every line, because it'd take too long, but hopefully I can explain a bit better.

The main thing I want to say is that I'm not saying that people aren't interesting. Of course they are. What I'm saying is that some people have an unrealistic view of their own importance in the grand scheme of things, and while yes, Livejournal is by its very nature a forum for sharing the minute details of a person's life, it also encourages this view of that person as the centre of things. People read what you write, they comment on your thoughts, you can choose whether to read their posts or not, whether to comment or not, and you every thought can be shared with goodness knows how many other people. Now many of these thoughts are interesting, even if it's just some small detail of someone else's life, but when it gets to the point of people thinking that it's worth sharing every time they take a piss or eat a sandwich or look out of the window, just because it's *them* that's doing it, and how can the rest of us live without knowing, that's when I think things have gone too far.

I don't want to suggest that people should only post essays or book reviews or whatever. Livejournals are about sharing our lives with one another. But it's got to be a realistic view of our lives, not a plumped up version where we're lord and master (lady and mistress, I suppose) of the entire universe. No one on the face of the earth is that important. I just think that sometimes people need reminding of that, myself included.

I hope that explains a bit better, but if you want more or if I've missed out something vital, let me know and I'll do what I can to clarify further.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

It's great isn't it! I could watch it all day and keep laughing! I don't know behindblue_eyes but I love her anyway. Remus + Good Omens = fab icon!

because you aren't awful

[bitterbyrden.livejournal.com]

Just reading today's post, I gotta say: you aren't awful. Not at all. And you *aren't* wrong about people's inflated sense of self-importance. Or that they need to gain some perspective. I didn't want to fight about that, as we are essentially on the same side. I can't tell you about some of my RL/LJ crossover friends and what assholes they can be. I'll get too angry.

Blahblahblah. Anyway. You aren't awful. You can come off like a jerk on occasion and you can be ridiculously blunt. Both make you !Emony of the Internet! and LJ wouldn't be as awesome without you. And I'm sorry if I poured all my words (no, really: ALL of them) on you in an attempt to argue.

+kate